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Getting assigned to vice as a police officer is tough assignment. Often times the required duties take the officer into dangerous situations. Quick thinking is often a necessity. Tension can build to the breaking point. How to relieve all that tension? The vice cop has found the answer. He gets a massage.

Massage parlors are apparently a hot bed (pun intended) of prostitution activity. Many massage salons are being raided by undercover police officers. Of course, they’re only under cover for a short period of time. But, while being uncovered, I mean undercover, they get their muscles kneaded, their backs oiled, their limbs stroked, hot towels applied, and tired sore bodies cared for from head to toe, all by young women who tend to their needs as though they were real paying customers without a law enforcement agenda. The tax payer dollars paid to find prostitution occurring behind closed doors and under warm towels is truly money well spent. Or is it?

Vice squads are combing the massage salons looking for young women who would offer sexual services in return for money. Negotiations for these services have to be realistic in order to arrest the offending party. In order to enforce the realism, undercover officers of the vice squad must frequent various massage salons and put their bodies through torturous episodes as described above. Once sufficient stroking has occurred, how long and how much is subject to ones’ individual ability to withstand the torture, the “bust signal” can be given. One has to hope that the “gotcha” moment doesn’t come too soon and the bust has to be aborted due to circumstances beyond the undercover officer’s control. In that case, one would assume, the bust does not occur and the tax payer money spent on the massage wasn’t wasted because, well, the officer did get a good massage.

Many vice officers have to repeatedly go into a suspected illicit massage salon before making a bust for prostitution. Why? Because the erstwhile prostitutes are on to the scheme and won’t agree to an act of prostitution unless the vice cop is a known customer. So of course, the vice cop(s) have to spend lots of taxpayer money in order to put a stop to this conduct. All the while, the tension of their day is dispelled by the tireless work of the masseuse. In the pursuit of a happy end to this episode it’s the taxpayer who pays the bill. But, at some point, if the taxpayers only knew where their money was going don’t you think the happy end to this story would be to tell the cops to go catch real criminals with our precious tax money?

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